Just in case the cabin pressure on an airplane falls to unsafe levels, a mask will drop from the luggage compartment above. “Secure your mask first, then assist those around you” we are instructed. The nurturing, superwoman side of me says, no. I will make sure everyone around me is safe and then I will take care of myself. And so the story goes – for most women, I bet. You take care of everyone before you take care of yourself, right? And once you’ve done that, you might find you have only fumes of energy left in your body for yourself.
Last month I shared about the completion of my 10-month journey. My rebirth journey. My reinvent myself journey. My heal-all-pain journey. My I AM ENOUGH journey.
I noticed all the signs along the way and did the work. Some days were great, other days were horrible. Some days I jumped out of bed. Others, I wanted to lay there all day. I allowed myself to do the work as my body needed me to. I listened intently and noticed all the signs. The aches and pains in my hips. The numbness in my feet. The sore throat. The sadness. The anger. All of it. These were all signs I needed to pay attention to. Many mornings I awakened to dreams with messages for me to decipher. I learned through my Tantra Counselor training how to interpret my dreams; how to understand the messages my subconscious mind was sending. I learned how to connect the dots between my physical pain, emotional pain, and mental state.
I wasted no time on this precious journey. I knew that if I waited until the timing was perfect to begin, that time would never arrive; ‘perfect timing’ is not a day on the calendar.
I didn’t know, as I traveled on my personal path, that shortly after I completed that process, my beloveds would need me to be a pillar of strength and support while they embarked upon their own healing journey towards self-discovery, growth, and self-love.
One would grapple with pains from the past. Pains from a childhood that left deep scars and fear. Fears and anxiety that, upon resurfacing, sent her into a vulnerable state, where she questions her self-worth and value. Darkness was her blanket; silence was her song. She hid herself from others so we wouldn’t see her pain. One night, when it became too great, she reached out for help. Through tears of relief, she recognized this was not a journey for her to walk alone.
The other lost herself in her unhappiness. Gone was the bright-eyed, smiling, cheerful, life-of-the-party girl. Her moods became heavy. She was withdrawn and very short tempered. She was bothered by everyone and everything. Her deepest desires were to be her authentic self yet she didn’t feel safe to do so. She was afraid of being judged and disappointing those she loves most.
I want more than anything to be a role model, guidepost, lighthouse, pillar of strength, and comforting pillow for these two young ladies. It is my deep desire to be of service to them for the rest of my life. I want nothing more than to be the one they call when life gets rough; when things are great; when life gets scary and messy. I want them to know they can count on me to hold them up, when they can’t hold themselves up. I want them to know I can hold their bag, temporarily just to give them a break, and then teach them how to unload the heavy burdens. I want them to count on me when they’ve lost their way, so I can remind them not to look back with regret, to look forward and begin again from this point. I want them to feel safe to share their fears and pain, so I can comfort them with love. I want them to learn how to tap into their body wisdom, so they can learn to be centered and grounded when life feels overwhelming. I want, more than anything, for them to do their work so when it’s their turn to hold someone up, they can.
Three things I know for sure:
- No matter how enlightened we are as adults, our kids are not immune to the pressures of growing up.
- We cannot hold others up when our own foundation is shaky.
- We cannot be stand-ins on the journey of another. We can only help light the path so they keep moving forward.
With their permission, I share with you the struggles of my daughter and my niece. This tale would have a very different experience had I not listened to what I needed these last 10 months. Instead of allowing both to take their own journey, I would have insisted on walking it for them. I would have questioned: What did I do wrong? What could I have done better? Where did I fail as a parent and aunt? At what point did I not pay enough attention to what was happening to them? How am I going to fix them?
And then I realize – this is not my journey. I cannot walk their path. I can light it up for them. I can hold their hand. I can listen without filters. I can share wisdom when asked. I can hold them up until they can stand on their own. I can hold their bag for a bit, just to give them a break. I can remind them both, they are enough and most importantly, they are not alone.
In Tantra Counselor training, we are taught that the body and heart know in advance of the brain what is going on. When we live our lives inside our head, totally disconnected from our bodies, we miss all the signs.
Here is a little something for you to consider. Body Parts – check in with your body. See where you might feel discomfort. Symptoms – these are some issues you may be experiencing. Ask yourself this – time to inquire and listen for the answers.
|BODY PARTS||SYMPTOMS||ASK YOURSELF THIS|
|Hip, Legs, Feet, Bones||leg cramps, numbness in your legs and/or feet, muscle aches, joint pain. Shopping addictions. Feel responsible for the world.||How are you feeling about your safety and security? How about your financial situation?|
|Lower abdominals and base of Spine||UTI, period cramps, depression, emotional overwhelm, sexual trauma||How are you feeling about your sexual expression and creativity?|
|Mid abdominals||stomach issues, constipation, lower back pain, low self-esteem, lack of empowerment||Has the ego taken over your life? How are you feeling about your power and will?|
|Chest at heart level||asthma, colds, hurt, labored breathing, elbow joints, hands, arm pain||Are you feeling loved and are you giving love? Do you feel connected?|
|Throat, Ears, Neck, Shoulders||sore throat, coughing, thyroid issues, wax in ears, hearing loss, ear infections||Are you living your truth? Are you communicating openly and freely?|
|Face, Eyes, Brow||headache, allergies, runny nose, sinus infections, dry eyes||Are you tapped into and listening to your intuition? Can you hear your inner wisdom clearly?|
|Top of head||confusion, lack of knowledge, hair loss, shingles, vitiligo||How are you in the area of spirituality? Are you connected to source?|
Remember, you are not on this journey to be alone. Reach out to me for support. I promise to hold your bag, while you rest. I promise to hold you up, until you can do so on your own. I promise, this won’t be the easiest, fastest and most fun route, and I promise… It is the right path.
Do your work now. Your life depends on it, and so do the lives of those you love most.
Until we meet again,